Dear Diary- whoops I mean hello lovely followers!
Sorry for my lack of posts lately. I wonder how many posts are going to start with that this year? Hey I’m in my final year of uni give me a break.
Speaking of my final year of uni- stress stress stress stress stress.
Let me just give you a brief list of things I really need to do this week:
- Finish my CV and cover letter and apply for a number of jobs I am probably woefully unqualified for.
- Write the first chapter of my dissertation (*Scream*)
- Catch up with the lectures I missed when I was home for my birthday/sleeping
- Panic that my term abroad results haven’t been converted yet and until they are I can’t apply to any postgrads
- Possibly contact my doctor and ask to be put on a different antidepressant
Sigh. I actually planned to write about this on friday but my uterus was torturing me because I haven’t given her a baby. It was kind of like a horror film except for some reason murder and gore are more acceptable things to talk about than periods.
But I really think that I have to switch medications. I have noticed that I have been slightly more motivated in terms of cleaning my flat and eating a bit healthier but I have been so drowsy besides that. It means missing lectures and napping when I should be working or eating or going outside. I haven’t been on this medication for that long and it isn’t really meant to have kicked in yet, but the meds aren’t so much encouraging my motivation as they are killing it. You try working while comatose. But they make me sleep so well and I feel so rested that I’m tempted to stay on them. Ugh stupid depression. Stupid insomnia, Stupid crazily comfortable bed.
The other problem with my motivation is that Dr Dickhead repeatedly tells me that going to the gym is meant to be wonderful for depression. I think he’s under the illusion that he’s being subtle. But he isn’t so much nudging me in the right direction as body slamming me. I get it. I’m not thin. I should be thinner. My weight is connected to my mental health in more ways than one. But jesus does this man actually possess any tact?
Not a very positive post I’m afraid, hopefully I’ll get some stuff done this week and have a more happy-Lucy post for the next.
But I have got a fun task for you all- I’m planning on having my hair dyed next week and I need some colour inspiration. So leave any colour suggestions in the comments and I’ll let you guys know what I choose; the weirder the better, let’s go crazy (er) people!