An Ode to Firemen and Caffeine

loryn-brantz

(Picture by Loryn Brantz for Buzzfeed. Not mine. Didn’t draw it, not mine. Haha please don’t sue me I’m a student)

Ok so fantastic news; I’m caffeinated and I just watched the Gilmore Girls Revival trailer so I’m excited…or I’m doing that hyper-focused thing people with ADD do (still haven’t been to the doctor’s, don’t worry I will, I was in an alcohol induced sick day yesterday so tomorrow it’s happening).

Anyway, despite my intense need for a new liver, and to stop procrastinating (and stressing about procrastinating), for some reason things have come into focus today. Perhaps it’s because the fire alarm, which goes off pretty constantly, forced me into the cold for a while- seriously the firemen are taking longer and looking more unimpressed every time they come, god help us if there actually is a fire.

But anyhow I feel clearer about some things.

I have decided that I want to be a writer and, for now, a journalist. I have decided to start applying for graduate jobs and work experience, and I’ve decided that when I graduate I’ll live in Edinburgh, but if I get a job in another country, who knows.

You see, in the midst of worrying about not getting a 2:1, and not getting a job and being in a foreign country which seems to be aiming for a reenactment of the snow from the Day after Tomorrow I’ve had a few moments of real clarity.

What I’m doing now, all of the possibilities in front of me; it’s exciting. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have the freedom to go in the direction I want…then have it crushed by rejection and the cynicism that age brings but we’ll ignore that until the time comes.

I feel good about where my life and ambitions are pointing. I feel really good when I think about the future because I think I’m going to like it, and that’s something I haven’t felt in a while.

So thank you fire alarms and red bull- you clearly do good things for my brain.

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